Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
