your thong is hanging out like whoa
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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