She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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