I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
