my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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