Im at strip club and am horny
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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