You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
