so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
worst night to have a conscience
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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