I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
