come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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