Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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