Got a toothbrush?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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