yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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