I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
