There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
