Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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