stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
