i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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