So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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