apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
