Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
