people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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