found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
