I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
