the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
