If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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