If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
