why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
