It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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