they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
