oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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