do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
