You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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