Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
