im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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