can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
