Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
