Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
