there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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