Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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