I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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