I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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