no, he came in my armpit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
