Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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