i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize