woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
