I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
