did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
