the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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