Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
