I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
