you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
