Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
