Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
