I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
