she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
