And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
