Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
