I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
