hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
