yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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