She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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