You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
