8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
