overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
