I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
