I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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