Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
