they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
