I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
