i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
