I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
