the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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